September 12, 2012 
WARNING: This post contains the kind of offensive, misogynistic and sexually explicit material you are likely to encounter going about your daily life as a citizen of Planet Earth. Well, in The West anyway. With an Internet connection. And a radio. You get the idea.
***
Dean takes a deep breath before responding. He feels his heart rate increase. What have you been up to? should be a pretty harmless question from your mates over a lazy, Friday night beer.
Unless you’re an anti-misogyny campaigner who promotes respect for women.
And you’re a bloke.
‘Well, actually, I’ve become a pretty strong advocate for gender equality and opposing the sexploitation of women and children in popular culture.’ The awkward, rehearsed words run fast off his tongue.
No-one takes a drink. No-one even blinks. It feels like the whole pub has gone silent.
Thomo, the oldest of Dean’s three friends, puts on a brave face. He grins encouragingly as though Dean has just announced he’ll be dressing exclusively in Lycra and carp skin from here on in. ‘Right, well, right,’ he says. ‘That’s great, mate, good for you.’
Dean looks to Phil and Simon. Simon is trying for a smile but only managing the kind of grimace you reserve for lunatics and marauding wild monkeys.
Phil raises a suspicious eyebrow. ‘What do you mean?’
Dean breathes out at last, but can feel the collective tension building. ‘Well, I’ve started to see the world more through my daughter’s eyes . . .’
‘Here we go,’ Phil mutters.
‘And it’s not pretty, lads. The way women are presented in popular culture is appalling. It’s like they’re second class citizens who only exist for men’s sexual gratification.’ Dean feels the increasingly familiar outrage. He hopes his passion will resonate with his friends.
Thomo shifts uncomfortably. Simon looks at the ceiling.
Phil speaks. ‘Simple, mate. You don’t like it, don’t buy it. And keep your daughter away from it as well.’
‘It’s not possible. Trust me, you cannot avoid it.’
‘Rubbish.’
‘I’m serious. I turned on the radio with Jessica in the car the other day and this is what came on.’
—
Verse 1:
I like your pants around your feet
And I like the dirt that’s on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you’re looking up at me
You’re like my favourite damn disease
Verse 4:
And I love your lack of self respect
While you’re passed out on the deck
I love my hands around your neck
—
Thomo: ‘Serves you right for listening to Nickelback.’
‘Change the channel,’ Phil says through a mouthful of beer.
Thomo: ‘I only listen to AM. Why don’t you try that?’
‘Didn’t you hear that bloke from Sydney the other week?’
She (the Prime Minister) said that we know societies only reach their full potential if women are politically participating . . . Women are destroying the joint!
Phil: ‘Buy an iPod, mate. Then you can listen to all the Barbra Streisand you like.’
Everyone laughs. ‘It’s not just radio,’ Dean says. ‘Are you blokes on Twitter?’
Phil: ‘Nah, full of painful narcissists like you.’
Thomo: ‘Yeah, I’m on it. Mostly follow sports commentators.’
Simon has gone to the toilet.
‘So I sign myself up, right, and I start getting followed by these fake accounts promoting links to porn sites.’
Phil leaps to his feet. ‘How do I join?!’
‘Sit down, you goose,’ Thomo says. ‘Try Pinterest, mate. I heard that’s huge with girls.’
Dean shakes his head hopelessly. ‘Done it. Had no boards, no followers, was following one friend, and this is what Pinterest sent me in its weekly digest.’
‘C’mon Deano, get over yourself. It’s the Internet mate, what do you expect? Just stay off it and keep your kid off it as well.’
‘It’s not just the Internet. Every service station I walk into these days is offering a porn smorgasbord.’
Phil rolls his eyes. ‘So go to 7-Eleven.’
‘They’re worse, mate. They actually market the porn to kids.’
The 7-Eleven porn rack right next to the ice-creams at child eye level
Simon returns. Walking behind him are two young men wearing these T-shirts.
‘You still talking about women’s stuff?’ he asks.
‘Nah, problem solved,’ Phil says. ‘Deano just has to stop being so sensitive and a little more selective with his media consumption.’
‘Yeah, that’s right. If I follow Phil’s advice, I can’t go on the Internet, listen to the radio or buy petrol. And we haven’t even talked about TV yet.’
Thomo and Phil laugh. Simon looks confused.
A waitress approaches to clear the empty glasses. She’s young, maybe twenty-two, and dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt.
‘Thanks,’ Dean says, maintaining eye contact.
Thomo does the same, but drops his eyes to her chest when she looks away.
Phil leers at her, his lips upturned in nasty snarl. ‘Thanks darlin’,’ he says.
Before she’s taken two steps away from the table, Phil speaks again. ‘Ooohh,’ he moans. ‘Have a look at that arse. If I was a younger man, I would take a piece of that.’
Dean is speechless. He sees the waitress flinch as she walks out of earshot.
‘Right, then,’ Simon says. ‘Who wants another drink?’
Thank you
Yes, thank you.
I will now pay FAR more attention to the conversations I have with my friends.
Some men just don’t get it, and never will.
This was excellent.
Thank you! I worry for my daughter too. Loving your work helping us women #destroythejoint
Thank you Guy. Your work is fantastic and provides a voice for so many men like you, who are out there! #respect – I have shared widely
Thank you all for support and kind comments – they’re much appreciated. cheers, Guy
This is excellent. Thanks Guy!
Excellent article! I sometimes think the only way we are ever going to get through to men is through men who think like you!
Great article Guy ! As the father of 18 and 14 year daughters, I understand exactly where you are coming from, and often cringe at the typical sexist comments directed at younger women. Fortunately my 18 year old has certain values rarely held in this day and age . Despite the long running jokes about protecting the daughters virtue with a shotgun (and you know me Guy – nothing worse than a well armed Redneck Dad !!!) she lives 3800 km away at Uni – so I rely on her morals and commonsense. Keep up the good work mate !
Thanks Dave. I think you’ve hit on two important aspects – building our kids up inside the home, and fighting against the prevailing worldview that tolerates widespread sexism. Both are critical to creating a new culture of respect.
Thank you. As a woman, I am not privy to these conversations among men, but I’ve eavesdropped enough to know this rings true. Someone has to say it, and people have to keep saying it, until something changes.
Indeed, thank you.
Canada’s Prime Minister Harper, renowned for his closed, standoff-ish, stiff personality and rigorous protection of his private life, invited Chad Kroeger to the prime minister’s residence, because Kroeger is Harper’s rock idol. And, he wanted his daughter to meet him this musical genius. (sic) His pre-pubescent daughter. Pictures on the steps of 24 Sussex, huggies and glad handing all around. Wide smiles, autographs, and Chad sat down to sup with the pro-choice, anti-woman Harper, his kid and the rest of the adoring family.
No word as to whether the kid had to get to her knees when introduced to Chad.
Sorry, that was “the anti-choice, anti-woman Harper.”
He loves his daughter, she will be fine and strong and if she isnt respected by her potential boyfriend the way her daddy respects her, she will kick him to the kerb. A great man, raising a what’s going to be a great woman.
Thank you Leesa. I love the link with her father’s respect – so important.
Thanks for that Guy! My husband, thankfully, is like you, but men who truly respect women seem to be getting rarer these days!
I usually go to pay for petrol while he fills up and put Women’s Weekly in front of all the Zoo covers…it’s my little way of trying to fight back!! (even though they have bikini covers as well…)
Another thing I’ve done a couple of times is ‘jokingly’ confronted people wearing those shirts who come through my checkout at work. One man had a shirt with a naked woman with the caption ‘cheap and nasty’ so I politely warned him he’d get diseases if he went cheap and nasty…apparently he ‘forgot’ he was still wearing it! The next two guys who came through didn’t say a word to me
So bit by bit I hope that through conversations we have, petitions we sign and refusals to join in, we can challenge peoples mind sets
Thanks Clair! Totally agree that it’s the little things we do that make the difference. Our daily challenge of everyday sexism is the first step towards culture change.
Brilliant piece. Turning point for my son and the way he views girls and women was when I reminded him that they are all somebody’s sister and/or daughter.
Thanks Collette. I think it’s too easy for men/boys to forget that women are actually people when they’re so often presented as objects. You’ve found a great way to reinforce the point.
Thank you so much guy. I am an advocate for sexual abuse prevention education. This and encouraging girls to be assertive about their rights from a young age are key. Having men such as yourself who are courageous enough among their peers to spread this very important anti-sexism message is crucial.
Thanks Jayneen – appreciate your support.
Thanks for this Guy – I think men are central to changing the culture of fear and intimidation amongst men towards really looking at sexism in the same way we now view racism. It hasn’t entirely stopped racists, but at least there’s less likely to be a crowd of people laughing whilst you get a kicking if your black – and some people may even step in to help. Speaking as a female who has been raped by five men as a teenager, been beaten by two partners for objecting to their treatment of me and shunned by my family for going public on my father’s abuse of my mother I sometimes feel like I’m living in a male totalitarian state which I object to as an equal tax payer. Men like you remind me that not everyone in 1930s Germany was a Nazi! Keep up the good work, history will show you as one of the good guys.
Thank you so much Derrington for sharing your story and for your encouragement. I totally agree that men are critical in changing our culture. We must redefine what it means to be a real man and we must create a society where sexism in any form is totally unacceptable.
Along with all the other isms! Trouble is, the establishment want a nation of aggressive and non thinking men as they use them to break in to other countries to steal oil etc. Don’t think they’d get far with an army of Guy Sigley’s cross examining their morals etc …!
Thank you Guy.
I have four daughters and dream of the day when human civilisation will look back at the way we allowed females to be so openly denigrated and reduced to objects, and see it as recalcitrant and inconceivable as we currently view other outdated practices of, such as slavery and racism.
As a community we need to evolve past this, without fear of being labeled prudish or uptight.
And it cannot happen without the active involvement of men like you.
Motion seconded!
Thanks for your support Liz. I share your dream and also hope for a day when those who are anti-sexism and advocate for gender equality are part of the mainstream.
Thank you. I plan to read this to both my boyfriend and his son at the dinner table (should make for some interesting discussion!
). This is a great opener to a conversation I’ve been wanting to have but wasn’t sure how.
Wow – what a great way to use this post Susan! Would love to hear how that conversation goes. Can imagine it would be a very interesting discussion indeed!
Good luck Susan, hope it goes well …