February 28, 2013 
I read a lot of articles about sexism, objectification and our pornified culture. Some I share through Twitter, some I discuss with friends, many I simply read in stunned silence. They paint a deeply disturbing picture of the way women are viewed and treated in our society.
Once you’ve read enough of them, you start to wonder if perhaps the horse hasn’t already bolted. If perhaps there is so little you can do that there is no point even doing that.
And this whole anti-sexualisation thing you’ve got going on; why can’t you just lighten up? Why is a man so interested in this stuff? Who are you trying to impress?
The voices, internal and external, begin to grow. They become louder and louder until you think: ‘You know what, this is a hopeless case. We have gone too far and there is nothing left to be done. The media is too big, the pornographers too rich, the advertisers still too strong.’
Then, from some deep, insightful, rarely-used recess of your brain comes the phrase: ‘Snap out of it, man!’ Step down from your position of privilege and take a look around. Nobody is harassing you on the street. Nobody is trying to feel you up on the train. Nobody just called you ‘sugar’ on the other end of a business call.
But you know what, rarely-used insightful brain part continues, there’s a whole other gender out there experiencing this kind of sexism and harassment every, single day. There’s a whole other gender out there being presented with myriad images, day after day, of the way they should look, should act, should submit.
You’re not living that, because you’re a man. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be, or shouldn’t be, part of the solution. You respect women, right? Yeah, of course you do. So start living that as more than just a nice thought. Start living that in the fight for a better way.
So when I hear those voices telling me that the objectification is just too widespread; when I’m tempted to think that the sexism is so ingrained we could never make a difference; and when I start to believe that the feminists really are overreacting, that’s when I need to man up.
Not because women need men to fight their battles, but because I want to stand alongside them, and other men, in the fight to create a better culture for us all.
Don’t you?
Hi Guy,
I’ve been reading through your posts and you are clearly a well meaning and highly principled person. At the risk of this reading a little harshly – you seem to be a bit of a fundamentalist zealot vigilante. I concur there is sexualisation of women in our society, but also of men. A key point of difference I have with you however that this should be self controlled to the point of denying instincts. This is a bit too far in the stakes of self flagellation. I absolutely agree overt ogling, harassment. and worse are unacceptable- but I get enjoyment in seeing an attractive person and if I behave appropriately, and I do, why should I deny myself that enjoyment. At an extreme end of that scale, I also enjoy pornography. The visuals of poses and acts of attractive people, not under duress – enjoying their, and others bodies sexually is great. In accepting this, not denying myself, or ‘controlling my instincts’ I am being honest to myself and if my social conduct is appropriate, where is the harm?
Hi a good bloke. Thanks for your comment. I particularly enjoyed the juxtaposition between the risk of reading “a little harshly” and calling me a fundamentalist zealot vigilante. I’m kind of taking that as a compliment
Perhaps I haven’t clearly enough articulated what I believe is appropriate appreciation of beauty. I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong in getting enjoyment at seeing an attractive person and I certainly wouldn’t advocate denying that instinct in a manner akin to self-flagellation.
I think you’ve drawn the line pretty well, though – when we turn to overt ogling and harassment, we buy into the worldview that attractive people exist purely for our viewing pleasure. The extreme end of that scale is pornography. I can’t go with you there because I think it isolates and focuses purely on the physical/sexual, without any reference to the whole person. The rest of that human being is discarded for the individualistic pleasure of the consumer. And then we have objectification plain and simple.
As for harm, well, I think it’s fair to say porn and harm are inseparable. Even when people consume at the ‘soft’ end of the scale, they are still supporting an industry that degrades and abuses. They’re also supporting the ongoing infiltration of unwanted sexually explicit material into our everyday lives; and those of the kids around us.
So we don’t agree, clearly, but thanks for your thoughts and the respectful tone; I don’t always get that
cheers, Guy
Hi Guy
I don’t mean to be dogmatic but keen to continue the debate as your comments didn’t quite address my points.
Your posts speak specifically to “controlling one’s instincts” – not just behaving in a socially acceptable way. Seems we have common ground on innapropriate social conduct to women, probably also to homeless, disabled or any cross section of the community… The point I was keen to stress with you was controlling ones instinct. Instinct by name and nature is not something that can be or should be controlled. If it needs to be controlled, you are denying yourself of who you really are. Example: A gay person controlling their homosexual instincts and living heterosexually is still a gay person.
I digress a little but controlling our instincts is like falsifying a cheque and, our society has, thankfully, moved well beyond the social elite dictating what is considered good behavior.
On to porn- I was hoping your thoughts would be a little more developed beyond “porn and harm are inseparable”. Porn and harm are completely unrelated. I suspect you mean there is a high degree of exploitation in the porn industry, to which I would agree, however outside of any exploitation (which is completely deplorable) porn is by no means harmful, in fact celebrated by the greatest artists of our time, for centuries before, and a very rewarding and meaningful occupation to many, who by chance are being true to their very instincts…
I am glad you recognize my respectful tone, indeed this is my intent, I am however hoping your extreme messages can liberalize and strengthen your valid message.
AGB